“Just Write”
I just want to start by saying “Whewwwww”.. I had to let that out, the journey to even get past the starting point was hard. This is huge for me; how do you go from feeling invaluable to sharing your thoughts publicly?? That has Jesus written all over it. Cue the song *change by Tramaine Hawkins*because honey I’m so glad He changed me! So, you’re probably here out of curiosity, “like what is this lady talking about?” Let me say thank you for lending some of your time, thank you for stopping by and now let’s get to the point.
Hope Now Lives Here is my journey; a path from what was to what is now, everything l went through and experienced led me to this point. I will share stories, reflections, life-lessons and whatever the Holy Spirit leads me to share. I share my thoughts publicly, because I know there are others (you) out there that may be going through what I did and I just want to let you know you are not alone.
I started a blog back in 2013 and of course I wasn’t consistent. I’m not sure why I started blogging in the first place but perhaps I was following God without even truly knowing I was in pursuit. I never considered myself a writer to begin with so that is why this is so wild to me!!! Now that I’m wiser, I realized God was putting the pieces together all along.
I remember I won a writing contest in 3rd grade and I think it was like a state writing test, I don’t remember exactly. I was shocked that I won. I was sitting in class as the teacher presented my essay on the projector for the class to read. I was slightly embarrassed that my writing was on display but I was also happy at won. I remember the feedback from the judges, and the feeling that I felt as I received my award. You might say well girl that was in the third grade that doesn’t count but for me it does. I didn’t know then as a little girl, but that moment would serve as a reference point to a 20-plus woman ;). Hint number two would be when my 9th grade English teacher told me I should consider Journalism because she was impressed with a writing assignment. I think I did a comparison involving makeup and something else, I really can’t recall the details , but I never forgot about her feedback. Hint 3, in college, my marketing professor told me that I “wrote well,” but it still didn’t click.
From about the time of 2014…. God had given me the instruction to write. I mean I was praying for business ideas, anything to get me out of that job! He so graciously kept repeating the instruction whic was to write.
Honestly, at first it was overwhelmingly frustrating. I felt I had nothing to write about, all I had were disappointments, failed attempts at success and complaints. Who wants to write about that?!? Let alone who wants to hear about that? I would sit down with a journal and nothing would come to mind, sometimes my tears were the only thing that filled the page.
I would ask God “what do you want me to write about?!” Like what exactly do you want me to say and at the time I didn’t feel like He ever answered me. I felt unsure of what He was looking for, I put a lot of pressure on myself that God didn’t. I overwhelmed myself with overthinking, doubts and worries that didn’t belong to me.
However I did begin to write; I kept unpublished blog posts, which were much more like Journal rants. I would write and keep my writings to myself, knowing that they weren’t quite ready to be shared and this went on for a few years. All I could do was write what I was feeling, and I had to just let it flow. None of it made sense to me at that time but I kept writing. All those seasons of not understanding, feeling lost, frustrated and more led me here.
